The {Insert any language here} language is not my forte

My favorite parts of the day are when people call or come into a Chinese restaurant and expect staff to know Spanish. I don't just mean knowing your numbers and greetings. I mean asking about employees, what they're doing/where they are if they're not here (like I care in English either), etc. I literally caught myself trying to conjugate IR in the preterite EL form before I decided to just say, "Call back tomorrow."
On the other end of this spectrum, there's a lady here that only speaks Mandarin and Cantonese. She tried to tell me there wasn't any carbonation in the soda machine. There was a lot of hand gestures and funny noise making to get the point across. 我的中文不太好了。 Then a friend called and my uncle caught me speaking in "crazy-fast English." Apparently, it blew his mind how anyone could understand me.
In my 24 hours here, it seems that people here like to point things out about you. Like for instance:
*You're very organized. You'd be a great mom!
*You're so... peppy! Are you like this all the time?
*You smell good.
*You're very smart. You should stay in Texas for a long time! (Someone shoot me)
*I remember you from last time. You're that Chinese girl! (How do these people find me?)

(Picture Note: This is a picture of my uncle. [No, not the Mexican looking at me with the bizarre smirk.] He has NYC pride. Cool. )